Does gender-differentiation really calls for gender neutral parenting?

I was a kid though but always wondered why everyone's conversation and actions keep revolving around the son in the family. Once somebody gave me a bowl of four laddoos from my neighbor sharing the happiness that a son was born in their family. The other day we received another bowl but only two laddoos this time. After returning from school, I asked my mum why only two today if the reason is the same? She told me because today a girl is born in some house nearby. I was shocked as I haven't witnessed such behavior in my home even being brought up with an elder brother. This mindset of people pinched me somewhere inside and envying this I told my mum when my daughter will be born, please distribute 6 laddoos in each house. This may be a mere expression of gender differentiation whose roots are sown in our own homes only! 'Don't cry like a girl', 'Boys don't play with dolls and soft toys', 'Don't be loud else society will say the girl doesn't have manners', 'should you not try hands-on cooking, how will you serve your family after marriage’, ' boys don't dance like girls but play sports' and many more such statements have already made us gender-biased and we are passing on the same to our children. This had been a problem for years; maybe most of us have tried to evolve but the problem still has its roots in modern society as well. We may not be doing it intentionally being the educated parents to the new generation but one or the other way every talk or action draws a line for a boy and a girl. The actual cause is the way of parenting in our homes.

Are we still doing gender parenting? 

Gender parenting is when we start teaching the child from their birth about how they should behave being a girl or a boy and how they differ in their sex. Blue for boys and pink for girls, guns for boys and dolls for girls. The boys are pushed to know about sports and the girl’s curiosity is developed maybe in dance and art n craft. We encourage boys to be emotionally stable and it's ok if our girls cry and express themselves. Boys are pushed to love math even if they are skilled to be a better artist and girls’ careers are chosen thinking the one that can be compatible with their family in the future. Although the world has changed a lot still, we do not leave an area where we don't try to infuse gender differentiation.

Is gender-neutral parenting a solution? 

Gender-neutral parenting is letting your child free to explore and express themselves the way they want. They are given space to experiment with their choices and develop their potential and skills in their areas of interest. We as a parent should just be around them. Don't push them to become a mini version of you who can fulfill those dreams and become successful in the areas where you failed. Motivate them in whatever they are interested in and counsel them when they go wrong but never stop them if they go against the standard gender generalizations we have made for boys and girls. No tasks, skills, games, and subjects are specific to a gender. It is perfectly fine if a girl wants to be a cricketer and no big deal if your son wants to wear a pink shirt to the party. The idea is the free expression of their real self, the real emotions, the real skills, and an environment where they can show their creativity in its real form! The children should choose the color of the clothes they like. They should be allowed to play games according to their choice. The events in which they need to participate should not be dominated by parents rather let them free to decide where they can perform at their best. A girl watching avengers and a boy to love watching frozen should either be their choice. 

What will be the output? As a child, we can't decide or prospect what they will become when they grow old but one thing, we can rest assured that they will grow into a confident and a happy individual and not only a man or a woman! They will have equal respect for all genders or moreover all human beings. They would want to achieve the toughest of the goals together and will build up a happy family. They will see a beautiful world and not just the one dominated by men. They will be real THEM!

I know it is difficult to follow then to say because the major hurdle is the acceptance by our society. But remember one thing, it is we who make this society and change always have resistance. Let’s start trying it at least for the benefit of our children!

Happy Parenting!

Shalini Singh